Dear Ms. Saab Touring Edition,
You almost hit me when you passed me on Route 1, heading south to Westerly. You drifted right, into my lane. I watched you as you drifted to the right off and on for miles. I watched other cars avoid your erratic self.
I assumed you were texting. Or talking on your cell phone. Or you were drunk.
I watched you at a red light when I pulled up next to you. You were talking on the phone. You were no teenager, so you were old enough to know better.
I watched you run the next red light, so your conversation must have been very important.
Before you ran the red light, I just assumed you were annoying. It happens a lot as people text and talk and drive at the same time. It doesn’t usually continue on for twenty-plus minutes. But the red light business tipped me over. So I pulled into a parking lot and called the Westerly police. I had your license plate number, not that I needed it. Because you were driving a gray sedan with “SAAB TOURING EDITION” printed in 18″-high letters from the back to the side. You had padded racks on the top of your car, too. Not blending in with the crowd.
I sincerely hope you were easy to find before you made your way on to I-95 or crashed into a local school bus.
I hope that when the police stopped you (oh, how I hope they did!!) that one of those nice officers flung your cell phone into a field where a bulldozer ground it into little pieces.