No, I am not describing anyone in particular.

I’m talking literally here, folks.   This is a public service announcement for you readers out there who, like me, may have uncontrollable urges to make jam.

How do blistered boobs and jam go together?????  Huh????

Let me explain:  on the first beautiful day here at the lake, I put on my bathing suit and lounged around on the dock.  I ended up with a Cleavage Sunburn.  You know what I mean.  It was not a terrible sunburn.  It barely hurt.  There was no wincing involved.  I put aloe vera gel on it, wore #30 sunscreen and crew-neck t-shirts for a few days.

No biggie.

Where I got into trouble was in line at Walmart.  The Better Homes & Garden “Canning” magazine was sitting there with all its glorious photos of pretty canned fruit and vegetables and I became mesmerized by the sight of peach jalapeno jam.  I didn’t buy the magazine (how could a magazine cost ten dollars?????), but I came home and googled a recipe for it.  You know, because I’d bought two cases of peaches from the Peach Man.

Warning:  if you have had a Cleavage Sunburn (or any kind of sunburn from the waist up) DO NOT stand over a hot stove and cook peaches and jalapenos (especially while wearing a low cut sun dress).  Jalapeno steam will hurt you.

 Take my word for it.

p.s. this is a chicken, not me lounging on the dock.