All of you tree purists out there are moaning, “I could never have an artificial tree!!”

Do not judge me so hastily, I beg you.  I have gone to the mountain <insert sound of gospel music> and hiked through knee-high snow to find a decent tree.  For a zillion years I baked five different kinds of cookies just for the family to enjoy while decorating it.

I’ve even chopped down a tree and carefully shoved it into a cardboard tube and taken it as checked baggage on a plane so my homesick family could have an Idaho tree in Rhode Island.

Banjo Man does not care for this artifical tree we inherited from my parents.  Deep in his heart he longs to hike a mountain and trudge across his eighty acres of forest and chop down a tree.  I feel his pain.  I would also like to bake sugar cookies and cut them out into dozens of different shapes and snuggle with four-year olds and wrap Star Wars toys for under the tree.

But now it’s just me and the tree, as it has been for years and years, and no one really cares that the Thank-God-It’s-Artificial tree is in the living room  instead of an I-Chopped-It-Down-Myself tree.

Pros of Having a Secondhand Thank-God-It’s-Artificial tree: 

Banjo Man doesn’t have to water it twice a day.

Banjo Man doesn’t have to worry about fire danger.

It can go up early and I can decorate it when I feel like getting around to it.

No messy needles.

It can be stuck in a corner by the fireplace.

We save $40 and a trip to town.

No sap on my living room couch.

Cons of Having a Thank-God-It’s-Artificial tree:

It smells like old coats and cardboard from being stored in its ancient box and has to be aired out and/or sprayed with Febreeze.

I am allergic to the smell of old coats and dusty cardboard and Febreeze.

No nice pine smell bringing back memories of sugar cookies, toddlers and Star Wars toys.

***

So this week the Thank-God-It’s-Artificial tree and I will get ready for the holidays.  I will struggle to get the lights on (that is a story for another blog post) and get the decorations on and it will look very pretty.  I’ll keep a window open and air out the living room in the process.  I won’t have to rush.  I can take my time and think about recipes and sewing and the fun we’ll have when son #3 gets here.  I want to make spinach casseroles and meatballs and pumpkin pies and lasagna and beef stew and cookies.

Sarge arrives on the 17th.

Once the tree is decorated, I can move on to the important stuff:  food.