Do you associate people with certain foods?

I hope you do.  I hope I’m not alone in this.

When I think of Dancing Mandolin Player, I think raspberries.

French Friend Janou?  Chocolate.

Goat cheese.  Sugar cookies.  Coffee.  Bud Lite.  Pie.  Bran muffins.  Dough.

[You know who you are.]

So when I was Christmas shopping in Home Goods and saw a shelf crowded with gourmet pasta, I immediately thought of my Montana friend.

(Pay no attention to the housedress.  She’s usually a lot spiffier than this.  And she is carrying root beer.  ROOT beer.)

I excitedly tossed cellophane bags of gourmet Italian pasta into my cart.  She would like this stuff.  She’s a professional cook.  Holidays = cooking.  Pasta = her (at least in my mind).

I wrapped each bag in green and white tissue paper, packed it all into a very large box and hauled it to the local Post Office and stood in line for a while before setting the box on the counter.

Did I want insurance, delivery confirmation, etc. on this?

“No”, I said.  “It’s just macaroni.”  (we call it macaroni in Rhode Island)

Macaroni?  The clerk stared at me.  Was I joking?

“Macaroni”, I repeated, now wishing I’d kept my mouth shut.  “It’s, uh, for a friend.”

The other clerk (a tall gray-haired man with obviously no sense of humor) stopped in his tracks and all business at the post office came to a halt.  “Why are you mailing macaroni?”

“It’s for someone in Montana.”

“What,” he said, still staring at me.  “They don’t have pasta in Montana?!?”

That’s when it dawned on me that of course they have pasta in Montana.  I am an idiot.  My friend is going to think I’ve lost my mind because I sent her a huge box of macaroni for Christmas.  I had just wrapped macaroni and mailed it as if she lived in a canvas tent with Lewis & Clarke.

I still don’t know why I thought that was such a good idea.  I certainly never told Banjo Man.  Or anyone else.  Until now.

If you’ve ever mailed something weird, please share.  If you’ve ever given someone a gift that was not received as joyfully as it was purchased (or created), please please tell me about it.