should it be a song?

     Someone told me I should write a bluegrass song.  More years, less teeth… 
     What rhymes with “teeth”?
     I have a toothache.  Got in to see the She Dentist last Monday and she banged around on it–why do they DO that?—and then saw the crack.  It’s a worthless old molar, as far back as it can get without being in my ear, so I wish she had believed me when I told her what the problem was.  My tooth wouldn’t hurt this much if she’d left it alone.
     My mouth was on fire.  I kept telling the She  Dentist that my tooth “burned”, which she totally did not get.  I got the German Frowny Face (she is German, with an accent) again.  She is very good at making that face.
     At least she wrote me a prescription for Percocet.  🙂
     Someone at the dentist mega-office would have pulled it for me that afternoon, but I require anesthesia (it’s either that or simultaneously sobbing and peeing myself while having a tooth pulled, plus I have a long and bad history with complicated extractions), which the She Dentist sniffed at.  So I have to wait a week to see a surgeon, who requires a consult (when did they start doing that???).  I bullied the guy on the phone into scheduling the tooth extraction the day after today’s “consult” instead of waiting a week to look at the calendar.
     I said, “Look, this makes no sense.  I’m sitting here in CVS with my eyes watering from pain, I have a cracked tooth and I’m waiting for Percocet, and you want me to wait WEEKS to have this done????”
     “Well,” he said, a little scared now.  “The doctor needs to go over the anesthesia and your health records.”
     “That’s fine.  I’ve had the anesthesia for two tooth extractions and four finger surgeries and about six colonoscopies.  It’s not going to be a problem.”
     “Well…you have to watch a video online first.”
     “Also not a problem.”
     “And I can only schedule the surgery for the next day tentatively…”
     “That would be wonderful.”
     “And I have to tell you how much it’s going to cost.”
     At that point I wanted to repeat the eyes-watering-from-pain thing again, but I restrained myself.
     In the meantime the tooth has stopped hurting, I haven’t needed the Percocet and I’ve been happily existing on yogurt and baked potato soup.
     Want the recipe?  It’s easy.
      Cook 6 cups of diced potatoes in 8 cups of chicken broth.  Add 1/2 tsp salt and 1/2 tsp white pepper.   Mash ’em up as much (or as little) as you want.  While the potatoes are cooking, fry up a package of hot Italian sausage (crumbled).  Drain, then dump into the cooked potato mixture.  Cut an 8 oz. package of cream cheese into chunks and stir into the soup.  It will take a while to dissolve, so turn the heat down on the soup and give it a stir frequently.
      That’s it.  You can add chopped green onions.  I tossed in a 1/2 cup of chopped kale for color.


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2 Responses to should it be a song?

  1. Connie says:

    Wow! Yours is worse than mine. I have a root canal that is failing. I also have to go to Post Falls for a consultation to see if it can be fixed. I might need surgery if they can’t drill a hole in it, or it might need to be extracted. I couldn’t get an appointment until Dec. 18th. I am on antibiotics for ten days, which will run out before Dec. 18th. Of course I have used all of my dental insurance for this year so It’s going to cost me a small fortune……

    On the plus side, Kristine, my dentist is a very good looking young guy (who used to be one of Jon’s students, who wasn’t) and he is a VERY good dentist. He even has a technique for giving the shots which make them painless. I never mind going to see him, except for paying the bill.

    • Ouch, Connie! I don’t have dental insurance, so I feel your pain that way, too. 😦 I’ve never had success with root canals, so this old molar is history. My dentist is not at all handsome and has hands the size of oven mitts.
      Good luck with yours. I hope you are not in too much pain!!!!

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