Dear Ms. Saab Touring Edition,

You almost hit me when you passed me on Route 1, heading south to Westerly.  You drifted right, into my lane.  I watched you as you drifted to the right off and on for miles.  I watched other cars avoid your erratic self.

I assumed you were texting.  Or talking on your cell phone.  Or you were drunk.

I watched you at a red light when I pulled up next to you.  You were talking on the phone.  You were no teenager, so you were old enough to know better.

I watched you run the next red light, so your conversation must have been very important.

Before you ran the red light, I just assumed you were annoying.  It happens a lot as people text and talk and drive at the same time.  It doesn’t usually continue on for twenty-plus minutes.  But the red light business tipped me over.  So I pulled into a parking lot and called the Westerly police.  I had your license plate number, not that I needed it.  Because you were driving a gray sedan with “SAAB TOURING EDITION” printed in 18″-high letters from the back to the side.  You had padded racks on the top of your car, too.  Not blending in with the crowd.

I sincerely hope you were easy to find before you made your way on to I-95 or crashed into a local school bus.

I hope that when the police stopped you (oh, how I hope they did!!) that one of those nice officers flung  your cell phone into a field where a bulldozer ground it into little pieces.

Sincerely,
More Pie