There is a distant light at the end of my little tunnel.  I am healing.  I am down to only one “open” area on my chest.  Imagine that.  Only one!

I felt a lot better Wednesday afternoon after my physical therapist informed me that I had the worst radiation burns she had ever seen in all of her years of treating breast cancer patients.

That announcement made me feel less crazy, less of a whiny hypochondriac who couldn’t hack the basic side affects of a few weeks of radiation.

It is cloudy and 62 degrees here in Rhode Island.  We’re expecting some wind and rain leftovers from hurricane Dorian tonight and tomorrow.  I have celebrated the end of hot weather by making another mug of coffee, eating the last two mini-muffins and cleaning out a closet.

I love cleaning out my clothes closets, but it was especially fun this morning because I tossed out my ugly mastectomy, button-down blouses and various other ugly post-surgery tops.  Now I don’t have to look at them hanging from the rod.  They have pissed me off for the last time.  In another week or so I can probably get rid of my “radiation tank tops” (destined for the garbage) and go back to regular clothes.

A multi-year collection of v-neck t-shirts also went into the donation bags.  Obviously those days are over.  By next summer I’ll know what I can wear without feeling self-conscious.  Honestly?  It’s the last thing in the world I worry about.

Banjo Man went to a lot of effort to roast a whole chicken last night.  He squeezed lemons for juice, zested them (four of them!) and on and on.  He was a bit disappointed with the results and, as he has recently discovered roasted supermarket chickens, has decided that buying them already roasted is the better deal.   The chicken was ready around 9 PM, when I was on my way to bed, but he ate a leg and said it wasn’t worth all the work.

We are not doing well with cooking, but Banjo Man’s sisters have given us a gift certificate for a food-delivery service.  Now that I am starting to want to eat again and we are no longer eating our main meals at Cracker Barrel or Denny’s, it’s time to take advantage of having meals cooked for us.  Frankly, we’re exhausted.

I still haven’t decorated with my pumpkins yet, but maybe tomorrow I’ll have another little burst of energy.  My son Will reminded me that my body is sending all its resources to healing my body from radiation and there is nothing leftover.  I hadn’t thought of it like that but it makes sense.

My friend Pat sends me funny memes about fall.  Here’s one:


So true!




This entry was posted in family, rhode island, the cancer fight. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to better

  1. Tom says:

    Kristine, so glad to see you perking up! One day at a time –

  2. Marjorie Fridrich says:


    I will send you a photo of a carved pumpkin Graham did several years ago. I still love it.

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