How is playing the banjo a lot like throwing a javelin blindfolded?
You don’t have to be very good to get people’s attention.
How is playing the banjo like peeing in a dark suit?
It gives you a warm feeling, but no one else notices and no one really cares.
How many banjo players does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but all the others gathered around will complain that that’s not the way Earl Scruggs would have done it.
(with thanks to you-can-be-funny.com and kel5307)
I went to Walmart (really, do I ever go anywhere else???) Thursday. It was about 127 degrees in that parking lot, which was 18 miles long. And it was approximately 149 degrees in the Garden Center, which made hauling dirty plants around really fun.
I spent $22.38 on new cherry tomato plants.
And if the deer eat these, I will be bankrupt. And Banjo Man will cry.
But……I have a new weapon in my arsenal in the War Against Skinny Over-populated Protected Deer:
My daughter told me her father-in-law swears by it. Wish me luck.
Now I know why Banjo Man has never been attacked by wild animals.
MorePie Weather Report:
We’ve had 10 days of summer sunshine. Which means it has been hot. And uncharacteristically humid, too. I actually turned on the a/c, after having been schlepping across the Walmart Sahara Parking Lot and all. Between canning and cooking and cleaning and blistered boobs, it was time to wimp out and cool down.
Which could be a bumper sticker.
No, I am not describing anyone in particular.
I’m talking literally here, folks. This is a public service announcement for you readers out there who, like me, may have uncontrollable urges to make jam.
How do blistered boobs and jam go together????? Huh????
Let me explain: on the first beautiful day here at the lake, I put on my bathing suit and lounged around on the dock. I ended up with a Cleavage Sunburn. You know what I mean. It was not a terrible sunburn. It barely hurt. There was no wincing involved. I put aloe vera gel on it, wore #30 sunscreen and crew-neck t-shirts for a few days.
No biggie.
Where I got into trouble was in line at Walmart. The Better Homes & Garden “Canning” magazine was sitting there with all its glorious photos of pretty canned fruit and vegetables and I became mesmerized by the sight of peach jalapeno jam. I didn’t buy the magazine (how could a magazine cost ten dollars?????), but I came home and googled a recipe for it. You know, because I’d bought two cases of peaches from the Peach Man.
Warning: if you have had a Cleavage Sunburn (or any kind of sunburn from the waist up) DO NOT stand over a hot stove and cook peaches and jalapenos (especially while wearing a low cut sun dress). Jalapeno steam will hurt you.
Take my word for it.
p.s. this is a chicken, not me lounging on the dock.
Gather ’round the campfire, as I am going to reveal the secrets to an unsoggy pie crust.
I am not going to reveal the secrets to photographing food, for obvious reasons.
After four years of testing and trying and experimenting and blog-reading, I think I’ve come up with the right combination for a nicely-baked peach pie.
How I wish you could taste it! I will try to take a picture of the remaining pieces of pie and add them on to this post.
1. Coat your bottom pie crust with a couple of tablespoons of powdered sugar before putting in the peaches. Pat that stuff right on there.
2. Drain the peaches (I slice them into a colander that sits inside a bowl) before adding flour and sugar. You can always add juice back into the mix if it seems too dry. The peaches I used were very, very juicy.
3. Don’t use a top crust. Instead use a topping, as it won’t trap the steam inside the pie. I used a Martha Stewart topping recipe, but I halved it so all of that sugar, etc. wouldn’t overwhelm the taste of the peaches.
4. Use the rack on the lower third of the oven. Set the oven for 400 degrees. Some recipes tell you to lower it to 350 after 20 minutes, but I didn’t this time. It baked, in a glass pie plate, for an hour and 20 minutes.
5. I used flour in this pie. I’ve also tried cornstarch and ground tapioca. All were fine.
Adapted from Martha Stewart: Peach Pie Topping
Mix together: 3/4 cup flour, 1/3 cup brown sugar, 1/6 cup white sugar, pinch of salt, 1/4 tsp cinnamon. Add in 3/4 stick cold butter slices and mix with fingers ’til crumbly.
Peach Pie filling: 9 large peaches, 1/3 cup sugar, 3 TBS flour, approximately 1 TBS lemon juice.
Now, on to the Banjo-joke-of-the-day:
Why do they let banjo players play in pizza parlors?
Because pizza is the only food that you can taste over the noise.
View from the “office” at 5 AM.
Today I must get serious. This is the day I divide the number of pages I need to complete the book by the number of days I have in which to complete it. Result? How many pages I need to write per day in order to meet my deadline.
Sometimes I get a little queasy just thinking about it.
Except when I look out the window.
Good morning to you all!
Banjo Man hauled me out of bed early Saturday morning to go to town. He wanted goat cheese. He wanted goat cheese bad.
You might recognize the woman in the pink apron as one of our mandolin players in the band. Her daughter owns and operates www.wheywardcheese.com , so on Saturdays Ann aka Emmy Lou dons her apron and sells the finest goat cheese in Idaho. Seriously, there was a line, as there usually is.
Cheeses in hand, we strolled through the rest of the market. We didn’t have an “Old Geezer” sandwich, though it was tempting. Sort of.
But we bought a pie, basil, basil plants, an apricot scone, fresh spinach and a loaf of gluten-free bread.
Then we went to the Hell That Is Walmart On A Holiday Weekend, but we finished up the trip to town with ice cream from the Conoco gas station, where there was a bit of gridlock at the gas pumps and some shouting (not from us–we were on the sidelines and not getting gas) but the long-haired guy in the 1950’s motor home hauling an old boat looked pretty mellow despite his parking issues. Peace, bro.
Banjo-joke-of-the-day:
Why is a banjo like an artillery shell?
Because by the time you hear either of them it’s too late to run.
Yes, you guessed it: I’ve been practicing my sawing skills.
What? You don’t believe me???!!!!
Okay…how about this? My laptop, camera, camera card and connecting usb cable with card adaptor attachment are never in the same place when I am (a) able to sit down for an hour, (b) thinking of something fun to blog about or (c) awake.
Go for (c).
Yesterday I went to town by myself. I bought two enormous tomato plants. Please do not ask me what I intend to do with them or what kind of tomato plants they are. I watered them this morning and can’t think about them any more today. I have no gardening skills. But I am optimistic. In fact, my Inner Optimistic Gardener wanted to buy basil and dill plants and cherry tomatoes, but the plant store was out of them.
Today I went to town by myself again. Why? Because when I arrived home yesterday, there was a message from our drummer, Julie, who said The Peach Man actually had peaches for sale. I had been there, in The Peach Man’s Tent, twenty minutes before she called. Which meant I missed the peaches’ delivery by 10 minutes after having been told by The Peach Man’s assistant that there would be no peaches until next week.
I was up at 5 AM, so anxious was I to buy peaches. I washed dishes and drank coffee and then went back to bed, which wasn’t my original plan, but felt pretty darn good. After I woke up again I went to town and bought two cases of peaches.
I also went to Walmart, which was a big mistake on a Friday morning on a holiday weekend. There were hordes (maybe even thousands! millions!!!) of people shopping in there. I had planned to go to the Walmart Outdoor Center to buy basil and dill plants and cherry tomatoes, but…I couldn’t face it. After loading up groceries (fruits, vegetables, beans, pesto and sour cream), I stood in line to order a Blimpie Tuscan pannini and a large Diet Pepsi before fleeing back to the lake.
It is a beautiful day, but not a very exciting one to blog about. If I decide to chop down a tree later, I’ll make sure to bring my camera.
Banjo-joke-of-the-day
How can you tell if there’s a banjo player at your door?
They can’t find the key, the knocking speeds up, and they don’t know when to come in.
July 3:
After rain, thunder and lightning, the sun finally came out and the Krewe of Cougar Creek met to decorate the float for the parade. We’re so happy the Dollar Store sells such shiny, patriotic decorations!!!!
Banjo joke-of-the-day:
A banjo player went running up to a cop and said, “Arrest that kid, he just changed one of my tuning pegs!!.”
Cop said, “Oh, come on, you can fix that.”
Banjo player says, “Maybe, but he won’t tell me which one!”
Moose burgers, that is. A guest chef arrived during band practice to grill his special moose burgers for us.
They were really, really good.
And I stupidly left my camera back at the house.
There was a chocolate-frosted guitar cake to celebrate the 60th birthday of our bass player, the professional of our group. But he had a last-minute gig and couldn’t come. Darn! We also celebrated birthdays for Mandolin Ann (recently returned from Tuscany bearing mushrooms and truffles) and Accordionist Linda (recently returned from Seattle with a glitzy new b&w accordion). Our singer and horn player was off fighting fires in Colorado, but he’ll be home in time for the parade on the 4th.
There were visitors from Oklahoma, kids that looked 12″ taller than they did last summer, and a devastatingly delicious shrimp cocktail.
Today the sun is shining and the air is cool. Whatever allergies and sinus problems I’ve been dealing with since we left RI will be cured by all of this pine-scented air, I just know it. Banjo Man and I agreed that we were beginning to relax a little bit this morning, after a hectic couple of months in pre-wedding and road-trip mode.
We are slowly unpacking.
Banjo Joke of the Day:
How do you get two banjo players to play in unison?
Shoot one.
Fourth of July
Glen the Banjo Man
LIVE at the Dump
