flax off

Posted on February 24, 2012 by is there any more pie?

Excuse my language.

I’m tired of flax.  Seeds, oil, meal…any kind of flax.

I’m tired of reading about it, hearing about it, sprinkling it and baking with it.

It’s horrid stuff and I don’t care if I live an extra month or two because I dribbled flax oil on my yogurt (a very bad idea) or into my salad (another very bad idea) when I was 60.

Did you know how quickly it turns rancid?  I do.

Have you ever made a 10″ x 15″ pan of blueberry-almond gluten-free, sugar-free, fat-free protein bars unknowingly using rancid flax meal?  I have.

Do you know what flax (rancid or not) does to your digestive system?  I do.

I may never recover.

So flax off, all of you tv doctors and nutritionists and authors of bestselling weight-loss books.  Spread your flax advice elsewhere.

And may all of you who continue to eat flax live a long life.  I’m sure those nursing home bathroom facilities are lovely.

Posted in a more pie opinion, food, personal female whining, rhode island | Leave a comment

abs and cabins

Posted on February 23, 2012 by is there any more pie?

The plumber came this morning to fix a toilet and some decades-old mysterious leaks from a shower and a tub.

All three bathrooms were going to be off-limits so I escaped to the library to once again rent the Pilates Yoga dvd.  One of these days I will actually open the case and put it into the dvd player, I just know it.

Children were arriving for a special President’s Day event (it’s vacation week here in RI): make an edible log cabin.

Wow.  An edible log cabin?  (I’ve been on a diet for two years–I’m hungry enough to eat a log cabin, barn, schoolhouse and a church).  I tiptoed into the activity room to see tables all set up with thick pretzel sticks and bowls of shredded wheat.  Each child was to bring his/her own can of frosting.

Here’s what the sample looked like (sort of):

That was the Martha Stewart version.  The library’s log cabin was much cuter and used graham crackers for the walls and roof.  Then the pretzel logs were stuck on with frosting “caulk”.  The roof was made of shredded wheat squares, the chimney of mini-marshmallows.

Now this might be old hat to you preschool and kindergarten teachers reading this, but I was fascinated.  So fascinated that the woman in charge invited me to stay and make my own (if I hurried down the street to buy my own can of frosting at the mini-mart first).

I regretfully declined.  I wish I hadn’t.  But time was running out—I had a busy morning planned and an afternoon filled with work.  I had to keep moving.

Here’s where the “abs” come in.

This was at one of the consignment stores I hit Saturday.  (FYI:  in case you think I do nothing but shop for old stuff, it had been six weeks since I’d prowled the stores–just sayin’).  I researched it via google, found out it was a good product and was strongly urged by Banjo Man to go back to the store and get it (we are both working on our “abs”, which we haven’t seen since 1983).

I also went to the health food store and picked up some of the stuff Dr. Oz has been recommending on his latest shows.  Turns out there are all sorts of strange supplements one can take to miraculously get rid of belly fat (and therefore reveal your abs).

Liposuction might be cheaper.  The Abworks machine certainly was.

Posted in food, secondhand stuff | 2 Comments

next best thing?

Posted on February 22, 2012 by is there any more pie?

Because the Peach Man Season is five months away, this box caught my eye at TJMaxx.

Bet you can’t guess what’s inside.

You can?  Really????

Two bars of peach-scented soap.  Two bars.

Almost as good as standing in the shade of the Peach Man’s burlap tent, but not quite.

I miss you, Peach Man.  Please take good care of yourself.

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mardi gras mystery

Posted on February 21, 2012 by is there any more pie?

In honor of Mardi Gras, a story:

About 12 years ago a box arrived in the mail.  There was no return address.  It was supposed to contain fabric donated by someone online who wanted to support my fundraising efforts for the local animal shelter.

(I sewed Christmas stockings from vintage fabrics, laces, buttons and flowers which were given to those people who donated $200 to the shelter in December).

Inside was a beautiful velvet crystal-studded, sequin-trimmed Mardi Gras costume.

My friend Ginny modelled it for us last Thanksgiving.  Parts of it are old, parts (with the sequins) redone.  The train is over 14 feet long.

The dress is a bit risque.  A show-girl costume, perhaps?  With materials taken from a vintage Krewe costume?

Why would someone anonymously donate this to a stranger to be cut up and destroyed?

(and doesn’t Ginny look fabulous!)

Posted in friends, secondhand stuff | 4 Comments

beach scenes

Posted on February 20, 2012 by is there any more pie?

Posted in rhode island | 2 Comments

garbage soup

Posted on February 18, 2012 by is there any more pie?

How to make Banjo Man’s Saturday Garbage Soup:

1. Clean out the refrigerator.

2. Dump everything you find into a pan, including past-their-prime vegetables and a lump of baked garlic.

3. Saute, add water and simmer while you take the rest of the garbage (the “inedibles”) to the dump in More Pie’s truck.

4. Light candles, as the smell of old cabbage will make More Pie complain.

5. Serve to yourself.  Eat by yourself.  Enjoy by yourself.  Never share with others, who wouldn’t touch it with a ten-foot spoon anyway.

Posted in family, food, rhode island | Leave a comment

why i am boycotting the news

Posted on February 17, 2012 by is there any more pie?

I am going to rant.

I do not want to hear any more details about Mimi Somebody and her sex life with JFK.  Call me crazy, but I don’t understand why a woman–especially a woman old enough to know better now– would brag about acting as Prostitute to the President.

What on earth does her family think?  Does she have children and grandchildren?  Are they mortified and hiding under their beds and praying she’ll shut up?

If it were me, I’d go to my grave hoping no one ever found out I’d been that stupid.  I read she wanted to rid herself of the secrets she’d kept.  Sigh.  Why????  Couldn’t she have gone to a therapist instead?

Granny should get a hobby, learn how to crochet, volunteer at a food bank….honestly, this woman needs to find something else to do besides go on television to relive the old days in the White House pool.

Kris Kristofferson once eye-flirted with me, when I was 19 and he was playing in an almost-empty auditorium and my girlfriend and I were front row-center.  He wasn’t really famous then; I only knew of him because I’d seen his name on the sheet music of “Me and Bobby McGhee”.  He didn’t even have a band, just a guitar and a stool and a mike. He was pretty darn cute and I was pretty darn married and I didn’t eye-flirt back or even get his autograph.  Though I’m sure I blushed.

I met Willie Nelson in an elevator.

And Tony Bennett in San Francisco.

And George McGovern in Nebraska.

I waved to John F. Kennedy when I nine years old.  That’s what Granny should have done, waved and kept her panties on.

President Kennedy at Quonset Point, RI

So much for fame.

Which brings me to Whitney Houston.  I do not want to watch full network coverage of her hearse, coffin, private plane, etc.  She was a sad, sad drug addict who threw away the gifts that had been given to her–that miraculous voice, beauty, talent—for an abusive man and a druggie lifestyle.  She endangered her daughter, also a cocaine addict, and wasted most of her adult life.

May she have a beautiful private funeral and rest in peace.  Hopefully the publicity ends and the young, talented people in the music business will learn to make better decisions.

Hey, I warned you I was going to rant.  Maybe I shouldn’t have had that second cup of “half-caff” coffee this morning.

[Survivor has started another season.  American Idol is getting good.  And Amazing Race starts Sunday.  Whoopeeeee!!!!]

Posted in a more pie opinion | 3 Comments

no, it wasn’t us, darn it

Posted on February 16, 2012 by is there any more pie?

You may have heard that the $336 million dollar Power Ball jackpot was won by someone in RHODE ISLAND Saturday night.

It wasn’t us.

EVEN THOUGH Banjo Man was in Stop & Shop (the local grocery store chain where the ticket was purchased, but in a different town) Saturday and actually bought a Power Ball ticket (because I told him to)…it wasn’t us.

Rhode Island is a small state.  Chances are we will know someone who knows the winner.  But they haven’t come forward yet to pick up the check.  If they pick the payout option, they will collect about $220 million.  After state and federal taxes,  they’re left with approximately $120 million.  At least that is what the experts on the radio talk shows said yesterday.

Everyone is talking about it.

Meanwhile, we are back to work at our desks.  But I’ll keep you posted.

What would you do with $120,000,000????????

(I’d have the inside of my house painted.  Honestly, that’s the first thing that I came up with.  I’d have a painter & crew in here faster than you could say “Power Ball”.)

Posted in rhode island | Leave a comment

everyone loves a free cobra

Posted on February 15, 2012 by is there any more pie?

I gave up trying to sell this on Craigslist.  No one even wanted to make an offer.

So today I listed it on Freecycle (you can read my previous post about Freecycle HERE).

Seven people wanted it.  Seven emails in thirty minutes. Can you believe it?

I gave him/her to the first person who emailed, Dawn, who said her husband would love it.  Well, Happy Valentine’s Day to Dawn’s hubby, because he’s getting a stuffed king cobra instead of a box of chocolates or a heart-shaped pizza.

She’ll be here any minute to pick it up, so I set it where she’d see it when she drives up.

In the meantime, I hope it’s scaring the you-know-what out of the local squirrel population.

Posted in rhode island, secondhand stuff | 2 Comments

purely primal cinnamon nut snack

Posted on February 14, 2012 by is there any more pie?

Many thanks to Retired Mountain Lady for sharing her discovery of the Purely Primal blog last week!

I adapted their recipe for “gluten-free granola” last night and turned it into a snack for Banjo Man by not chopping the nuts, which made putting this together even faster.

Here’s the link to Purely Primal’s recipe (and I thank them very much for this!),  and here’s what I used:

1 cup walnuts
2 cups cashews*
1 package (maybe 1 cup) of macadamia nuts
1 cup almonds
1 cup pumpkin seeds

You can also add 1/2 cup unsweetened coconut and 1/2 cup of unsalted sunflower seeds (I didn’t have any).  The recipe calls for about 6 cups of ingredients (including the coconut and sunflower seeds) so you can use what you want as long as it totals about 6 cups.

*I had to use slightly salted cashews, because I couldn’t find unsalted ones.  The rest of the ingredients are supposed to be unsalted.  You know, because this is supposed to be healthy for you.

Now beat an egg white until it puffs up a bit and add 1 TBS cinnamon, 2 tsp. vanilla extract and 1/4 cup of pure maple syrup.  Pour it over the nut mixture and mix until it’s all coated.  It will all look very brown.

Bake on 2 parchment-lined cookie sheets at 300 degrees for about 25 minutes.  Let cool completely, then pour into Ziplock bags.  The folks at Purely Primal strongly suggest using parchment paper to avoid the whole mess sticking to the pans and I happily took their advice.  You can do what you want, especially if you like scrubbing cookie sheets, but I wanted to sit on the couch and watch The Bachelor in HD.

Banjo Man recently bought a ton of plain pumpkin seeds–he’d read they were a healthy snack–but I thought they tasted like soap chips and he wasn’t that crazy about them either.  So for some weird reason he went out and bought more.  I’m going to mix up the egg white/cinnamon/syrup/vanilla mixture and roast those pumpkin seeds tonight.

From my initial calculations, a 1/4 cup serving of this snack is about 275 calories.  So tread carefully.  I’m going to try sprinkling a little on my yogurt (plain, non-fat Greek) in the morning, along with the blueberries and apples and steel-cut oats and flax meal, for a change of pace.

Actually, the yogurt-and-healthy-stuff concoction is really lunch.  I doubt I could choke all that down at 5 or 6 or 7 AM.

Just a note:  we had a surprise mini-snowstorm this past weekend.
Very pretty, now go away.

Posted in food | 2 Comments