a story from christmas past: the day the tags died

Posted on December 14, 2012 by is there any more pie?

2012-12-13 007

Once upon a time we adopted three orphaned children. 

That is the opening sentence of a great many of my stories.

Anyway, back to this particular story…

These three children, age 10 (girl), age 8 (boy) and age 6 (girl) were very, um, territorial about their food and their possessions.  They’d had to be, having been in the state foster care system for most of their lives.

The girls were also a bit paranoid when it came to gifts, school clothes, etc.  They were always making sure that their older sister (age 11, a cheerful and kind child who was thrilled with having younger sisters at last) and older brothers (age 14 and 19, very laid back guys) were not getting more “stuff” than they were.

Christmas tended to be stressful for them.  To keep them from self-combusting from worry, I pretended to keep track of every cent spent on each of the six kids.  This was easy for everyone in the family to believe, because I am the kind of organized person who makes lists, especially at Christmastime.  On Christmas morning I handed them envelopes with seventy-six cents or  two dollars and twenty cents or some amount like that inside and told them it was to make it come out even.

Of course I made up the numbers.  Of course they believed me and were happy.  But… they still counted the presents–so not only did the amount spent have to be equal, but they expected the number of presents to be the same.

Sigh.

I’m telling you all of this so you can understand the magnitude of the Christmas Morning The Tags Died.

One Christmas–about four years after the adoption—I had a roll of address labels that didn’t fit my new printer.  Of course I couldn’t throw them out, so I used them for Christmas tags.  I bought everything early–way early—back then, wrapped clothes, t-shirts, socks, underwear, cosmetics, you-name-it in red and green tissue paper and stuck my white labels on them.  Those are what came from “Santa”.

I’m still not sure what happened between the time Banjo Man and I put the tissue-wrapped packages under the tree on Christmas Eve to Christmas morning, but the labels with the kids’ names on them curled up and fell off, leaving a pile of anonymous presents under and around the tree.

Now, some of us thought this was pretty darn funny.  Others didn’t, not at first.  The kids took turns opening the mystery gifts, then I would tell them who it was for.  It dissolved into lots of guessing and laughter and silliness.

There were a few things I couldn’t remember for whom I bought them, so the kids would try on sweatshirts or thermal Henleys and decide who wanted which color or which fit the best.

It dissolved into chaos in a very good way.  In the years that followed, someone would always tease me about my cheap gift tags and ask if I bought new ones.

Christmas morning was much more relaxed after that year.

I wrapped presents today.  There are very few compared to twenty years ago, but I used pretty tags with strings instead of printer address labels, though I still have some in the desk drawer, just in case I need a laugh.

Posted in family | 4 Comments

sound of silence

Posted on December 13, 2012 by is there any more pie?

Sorry to have been so quiet lately…

I have a sore throat.  No, really, I do.  I went to a new dentist yesterday and I’ve had a sore throat ever since.  Coincidence?  Probably.  The new dental building was state-of-the-art and everyone was so pleasant and professional.  Best part:  it’s right down the street.

But that’s not the reason for having a blog-post-less week.

I’ve been wrestling with revisions on the latest manuscript.  Not “wrestling with revisions” as in doing them, but wrestling with whether or not to do them at all.  My previous 39 books required no revisions.  But this is a different series, something new, and I wrote the wrong kind of book.  The revisions are massive and will be time-consuming, which will throw the next two deadlines out the window.

Since Friday I’ve been fluctuating between diva hissy fits, writing exhaustion, old age exhaustion and the horrifying thought of turning down cold, hard cash and walking  away.

Banjo Man voted for the last bit, the one about walking away.

As of yesterday afternoon, I’ve set aside the hissy fits and the self-pity and took a lot of naps and eventually–after much soul-searching–decided to do the work.  I will pass GO–eventually, after massive rewrites–and collect my figurative $200.

And when that happens I am going to buy the fanciest damn pair of Western boots that I can find, either brand new in a real store or a vintage pair on Etsy or Ebay.

By the way, over on the Pioneer Woman blog, she is giving away two pairs of boots every day between now and Christmas.  All you have to do is leave a comment.  Go for it!!!!

Posted in personal female whining, rhode island, writing | 4 Comments

another year older

Posted on December 9, 2012 by is there any more pie?

1984 album december birthday059When I turned 33, my friends gave me a party.  After we finished drinking all of the champagne, they tied balloons around my neck and drove me home.

This year I am going to behave myself. 

DSCF8582

Posted in a more pie opinion, lake, personal female whining | 4 Comments

it you wait long enough…

Posted on December 6, 2012 by is there any more pie?

2012-12-06 007 This is one of a pair of glass star-shaped candlestick holders I discovered on my mantel this morning.

I guess I should have stuck a tapered candle in it before taking the picture.  These are actually really pretty in real life.

The problem–well, not exactly a problem, but more like a decorating bonus–is that they have been sitting on my mantel since last Christmas.

You think I was in too much of a hurry to put away the decorations last year?

The sort-of-pathetic part is that it took me eleven months to notice.

See this thing?

2012-12-06 0012012-12-06 003I don’t know what it is, but many years ago I found it at the Brimfield Antiques market.  At Christmas I put vintage metal ornaments in it.  At Easter I toss in a dozen pastel plastic eggs.  One October Banjo Man asked me why there were Easter eggs on the hearth.

Are you wondering what the rocks are?

The tall one is a vase, made by none other than Blues Man and Linda, the band’s cajun accordion virtuoso.

The kidney-shaped rock I found by a foundation of an old oceanfront house devastated by a storm.  I assume it’s some kind of very old tool or the Narragansett Indians’ version of a golf club.

The round ball is something I found near  Samowen campground many years ago.  At the time all I could guess was that it was a Native American game ball.

Your learned opinions and thoughts are welcomed.

While you are thinking about such things, I am going to get out the fiddle and rosin up the bow.  I’ve been writing character sketches and book calendars all afternoon and am ready to act like a musician now.

And yes, fiddling is more fun than writing.

Fiddling is more fun than decorating, too.

Fill in the blank:  Fiddling is more fun than__________________.

2011-12-14 015

Posted in rhode island, secondhand stuff | Leave a comment

dim the lights

Posted on December 4, 2012 by is there any more pie?

I have no photo of our Thank-God-It’s-Artificial tree with its lights on to share with you.

I haven’t put the lights on the tree yet.  It is not a job I enjoy doing.  In fact, it is a job that fills me with bitchiness and misery.  I long for one of those pre-lit trees that greet me when I enter Home Depot, but Banjo Man’s tender real-tree-from-the-forest feelings must be respected.

I really intended to string the lights tonight, but instead I have chosen to drink margaritas and play music with Banjo Man.

We are practicing Christmas songs, so when Uncle George and Sarge arrive we can serenade them.

Cheers!

Posted in family, rhode island | Leave a comment

the thank-god-it’s-artificial christmas tree

Posted on December 3, 2012 by is there any more pie?

All of you tree purists out there are moaning, “I could never have an artificial tree!!”

Do not judge me so hastily, I beg you.  I have gone to the mountain <insert sound of gospel music> and hiked through knee-high snow to find a decent tree.  For a zillion years I baked five different kinds of cookies just for the family to enjoy while decorating it.

I’ve even chopped down a tree and carefully shoved it into a cardboard tube and taken it as checked baggage on a plane so my homesick family could have an Idaho tree in Rhode Island.

Banjo Man does not care for this artifical tree we inherited from my parents.  Deep in his heart he longs to hike a mountain and trudge across his eighty acres of forest and chop down a tree.  I feel his pain.  I would also like to bake sugar cookies and cut them out into dozens of different shapes and snuggle with four-year olds and wrap Star Wars toys for under the tree.

But now it’s just me and the tree, as it has been for years and years, and no one really cares that the Thank-God-It’s-Artificial tree is in the living room  instead of an I-Chopped-It-Down-Myself tree.

2012-12-03 011

Pros of Having a Secondhand Thank-God-It’s-Artificial tree: 

Banjo Man doesn’t have to water it twice a day.

Banjo Man doesn’t have to worry about fire danger.

It can go up early and I can decorate it when I feel like getting around to it.

No messy needles.

It can be stuck in a corner by the fireplace.

We save $40 and a trip to town.

No sap on my living room couch.

Cons of Having a Thank-God-It’s-Artificial tree:

It smells like old coats and cardboard from being stored in its ancient box and has to be aired out and/or sprayed with Febreeze.

I am allergic to the smell of old coats and dusty cardboard and Febreeze.

No nice pine smell bringing back memories of sugar cookies, toddlers and Star Wars toys.

***

So this week the Thank-God-It’s-Artificial tree and I will get ready for the holidays.  I will struggle to get the lights on (that is a story for another blog post) and get the decorations on and it will look very pretty.  I’ll keep a window open and air out the living room in the process.  I won’t have to rush.  I can take my time and think about recipes and sewing and the fun we’ll have when son #3 gets here.  I want to make spinach casseroles and meatballs and pumpkin pies and lasagna and beef stew and cookies.

Sarge arrives on the 17th.

Once the tree is decorated, I can move on to the important stuff:  food.

2008 Christmas 010

Posted in a more pie opinion, family, rhode island, secondhand stuff | 1 Comment

moonrise kingdom

Posted on December 2, 2012 by is there any more pie?

For your Netflix queue:

Filmed in Rhode Island, in our very own town!

I think “quirky” and “charming” sum up this movie.  The movie takes place in 1965, which makes it all the more entertaining.

I owned this dress!  Really, I did.  Though it was hot pink and maybe not quite that short.  (No, I’m lying.  It was that short).

Posted in movies | 5 Comments

mouse cushion

Posted on December 1, 2012 by is there any more pie?

I’m still dealing with sore thumbs, especially on the hand that operates the computer mouse, but this little bean bag wrist cushion is really comfy.  If you want to check it out, click le petit cushion.  I bought mine at Staples.

Does anyone else have any experience with repetitive stress thumb pain?  I tried a trackball style mouse, but the trackball was designed to be moved by the thumb…which wasn’t quite what I had in mind.  I’ve been googling for solutions, but haven’t found answers yet.

Imak has other products for arthritis pain, so I’m tempted to get the gloves and see if I can fiddle and type and annoy Banjo Man while wearing them.

Posted in a more pie opinion | 4 Comments

dazed and confused

Posted on November 30, 2012 by is there any more pie?

Yesterday I took Banjo Man to see an eye specialist (result: no surgery, all is well, Banjo Man is thrilled).

We are at the stage of our lives now when we should not be let out of the house.

I had the time wrong (thought it was at 10 AM but it was at 12:30).  So Banjo Man suggested we leave early and do Christmas-y errands since we were heading 20 miles north and the excitement of getting out of the house was almost too much to bear.

So off we went, to Home Goods, one of my very favorite places to shop.  But it wasn’t there any more.   The building was empty.  How sad!  Where did it go????

We settled for its cousin, TJMaxx instead, and I splurged on oven pads and ice tongs.  Banjo Man drooled over the wool sweaters.  I talked him out of buying a purple v-neck sweater.

You’re welcome.

Then it was time to find the special retinal opthamologist, but we’d worked up an appetite so we stopped at Wendy’s.  Now, Banjo Man wasn’t driving.  And he is not as familiar with the “drive up window” concept as I am, believe it or not, so he is always surprised when I get in the drive-thru lane.  He was a little appalled to eat chili while on the road.  In fact, he kept asking, “Aren’t we going to park?  Huh?  Aren’t we going to park?”

No time for stationary chili-eating!  We had to see the specialist!  There were forms to fill out!  Despite our years of road trips, Banjo Man cannot grasp the concept of eating at the same time the car is moving.

Because I believe in all things technological, I put the medical office’s address into my GPS system and blissfully–as I ate french fries while driving, upsetting Banjo Man’s view of the Way Things Should Be Done–believed that we would glide up to the building with no problem.

We ended up at a nail salon behind a bank next to a dentist.  The dental office lady suggested a nearby medical complex that was in the woods just a half mile north.  In the woods?  Yes, it was.  There were many, many buildings.  We found the “F” building, so I parked while Banjo Man went inside.  I would eat my Wendy’s Homestyle Chicken Sandwich and then join Banjo Man in the waiting room.

This didn’t go well either.  Banjo Man entered and exited several doors while I watched from the car.  I made the same mistakes when I tried to find him.  I ended up in the basement walking past utility rooms and bathrooms and doors that said “Do Not Enter”.

Now, I ask you, how do people with retinal damage find their way to this office?????  I was going to ask the receptionist, but Banjo Man sheepishly pulled out a paper from the packet he’d been given which had a detailed map on it. 

Plan on staying at least two hours.  More info from the packet.  I had my Kindle and my fake Ipod and my headphones, but I was also determined to find out where Home Goods had gone.  I needed fabric photo boxes.  And mini springform pans.  And white bowls.  So I left Banjo Man to his retinal specialist and left the buildings in the woods.

Ten miles and 17 red lights brought me to Home Goods, which had combined with TJMaxx to make a store that was crowded, dimly light and crammed with stuff.  I bought white bowls and mini-springform pans and fled.

(The $6.99 mini springform pans have to go back, because one is defective.  Bummer. )

I’m not accustomed to returning things, but lately I can’t depend on anything actually working properly.  My favorite pens have now turned globby, so back went a newly purchased case of those yesterday.  A Kensington trackball’s software couldn’t be used with Windows 7, despite stating it could.  An online data safe program insisted I needed more storage space, when plenty was available.  I’m not the only one having problems with these things–there are others online fuming, too.  I’ve been returning things like crazy.

Anyway, back to the Banjo Man Eye Day……

On the way home we stopped at Banjo Man’s favorite supermarket:  Dave’s.

I couldn’t locate a thing I needed, so I drank the free coffee and browsed the pastries while Banjo Man–with his starry, blurry eyesight from the exam–happily hunted down everything on the list.  The man is amazing that way.  I slipped apple turnovers and a pepperoni pizza in the cart when he wasn’t looking.

By the way, there seems to be a trend in supermarkets and stores these days to make the lighting dimmer and cozy.  It’s like shopping in a cave.  And yes, I do have an eye appointment of my own scheduled in two weeks, but unless I wear a flashlight on my head I don’t think I’m going to find it easier to shop in the gloom.

But then again, maybe it’s worth a try.

Posted in family, rhode island | 4 Comments

where did all the little pumpkins go?

Posted on November 29, 2012 by is there any more pie?

There is a reason I don’t work for a florist.  Arranging flowers and creating centerpieces are skills that are way beyond me.

But I saw a picture on a blog of a cake stand piled high with little pumpkins and tiny white lights and some kind of big dark leaves and I thought I can do this!  I have many, many cake stands!

But, alas, I did not have many, many little pumpkins.  It turned out that while we were in Montana and the Midwest and Texas, everyone else bought all of the little pumpkins.  And when I started searching for them, to make a Thanksgiving centerpiece for my mother’s table, they were as rare as Fourth of July paper plates.  I almost bought persimmons instead, but they looked faded compared to pumpkins.  Banjo Man brought home a pomegranate, thinking that might help.  No, I needed bright orange little pumpkins.

I couldn’t let a good cake-stand-centerpiece idea die an easy death, so I made a trip north to a bonafide farm stand.  Across the parking lot, on the other side of the fence, was a wagon with the last of the little pumpkins sprawled across the back.   The owner stood there, waving her arms at two young employees and the pumpkins as if to say, “Get these out of here this morning and bring in the wreaths!”

I hadn’t moved that fast since running away from banjo players at bluegrass camp.

So, here’s the finished product.  I added pine cones from the fallen Storm Sandy trees and leaves from the rhododendron plant at the front steps and walnuts from my mother’s post-dessert offerings.

What can I use for a cake stand centerpiece for the holidays?   Antique Christmas tree ornaments?  Huge pine cones?  Ideas, anyone?

Posted in food, rhode island | 3 Comments